


Reckless Abandon

by Loloebee



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Battle of Scarif, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loloebee/pseuds/Loloebee
Summary: For the first time since Scarif, Jyn feels anticipation bubbling inside her, an insatiable hunger that she needs to feed.OrJyn is becoming reckless and intentionally putting herself in harms way.
Relationships: Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**EPILOGUE**

Where did it go wrong? She knows now is not the time to be reflecting on the failure of their mission, but only an hour ago she was lying next to Cassian and their informant on a roof top, watching some low level Imperial dock workers move the cargo, and the next she is thrown off the roof as a missile blast rocks the foundation. Now she’s huddled behind the remnants of the destroyed building trying not to look at the body of their informant that lays broken at her feet. She has no idea where Cassian is.

It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Draven had assured them that it was an easy mission. Meet an informant on Cato Neimoida, gather intel and return to Hoth.

“ We want to ease you back into it. All we need is intel on an incoming Imperial shipment of bacta tanks. 3 days tops.”

When Jyn gets back to Hoth, she is going to kill Draven.

There’s a blast and the wall above Jyn’s head explodes in a shower of dust and cement. She pulls her scarf up to cover her mouth and nose, says a silent apology to the informant and then darts behind a nearby column. 

“Shit.”

She tries not to inhale the debris and blaster smoke but she’s breathing too heavily and the scarf barely protects her airway. She sees movement to her left and without hesitation she lifts her blaster and lets off a shot and a stormtrooper falls the ground in a pile of gleaming white armor.

“Jyn! Fall back, there’s too many off them.” Bodhis voice crackles over the comm on her wrist and she can hear the distinct echo of another comm in the alley to her right. She takes a breath and then darts for the cover of the alley, blaster impacts following too close behind her. She slides into the alley and spots Cassian at the other end, his back pressed firmly to the wall. His head whips in her direction and his finger moves to his lips. She follows the direction he then looks and feels her stomach tighten. A group of six death troopers emerge from a building at the end of the alley, moving with coordinated precision and Jyn ducks behind a garbage cart.

For the first time since Scarif, Jyn feels a sick kind of excitement bubbling inside her, an insatiable hunger that she needs to feed. Mon Mothma had insisted that the Rogue One team take medical leave to heal both their physical and mental trauma. But Jyn had felt like she was stagnating. she had experienced extremes on Scarif; extreme pain, extreme fear, extreme love. Her emotional and physical capacity had stretched to capacity and she felt like nothing would ever satisfy her again. 

Jyn points her blaster at the closet death trooper, her hand steady.

“Take one more step and ill blow your head off faster than you can say ‘Fuck Darth Vader’.”

The trooper laughs, deep and ominous. “Your out numbered, rebel scum.”

Jyn turns her gaze slowly to Cassian, who is still pressed against the wall, his chest rising and falling rapidly and she thinks she sees terror in his eyes, but the looks is gone in an instant. She almost swears out loud when she sees Cassian push himself off the wall, his blaster moving to aim at the death troopers, but Jyn gives the barest shake of her head and pleads with her eyes for him to run.

She can see the death troopers becoming aware of another presence in the alley and she takes her moment. Her finger tightens and the first blast rings out, hitting the lead trooper. She then drops to one knee as a blast whizzes past her head and she managers to down two more troopers before her luck runs out; a bolt strikes her in the side and she drops her blaster as a hot searing pain rips though her body. 

She can’t breathe. She opens her mouth to try to suck in some air but her chest rattles and white spots fill her vision. She thinks she can see Cassian running towards her, but she collapses backwards into the dirt.

This is the way it’s supposed to be, she thinks. She was never meant to survive Scarif, and now the Universe was righting itself. The edges of her vision are closing in and her breaths are becoming too painful and for a moment she considers not breathing just to stop the pain. She can feel the warm trickle of her blood starting to pool around her body and just as the edges of her vision are about to close she sees the blurred face of Cassian standing over her and then she sees no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn awoke to a sea of white and for one blessed moment she thought she may have finally died..

Jyn felt like she was drowning and she tried to draw in a breath but her lungs exploded with a searing white pain. She thought she might be screaming but all she could hear was a shrill ringing in her ears. Then all of a sudden it felt like her head broke through the surface of water and sound instantly came rushing back to her. Her body was jolting in a steady rhythm and she became aware that she was being carried in someone’s arms. She was sure she could hear Bodhi’s worried voice asking what happened and Cassian’s strangled reply.

Suddenly the weightless feeling of being carried receded and she was placed on to a hard surface. She wanted to open her eyes but her lids were too heavy and they flickered for a moment before she decided it was too much effort.

“Get us out of here Bodhi!” Cassian’s breath was hot on her face as he fought to remove her jacket without causing her more pain, but she groaned anyway as pain shot through her body. She felt his hand press against her wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding and she heard him whispering fervently under his breath in Festian.

“Kay, get me all the medical supplies on this ship.” Cassian’s voice echoed through the hull of the ship

Jyn expected a sarcastic remark from Kaytoo but he obeyed Cassians order without another word and that’s when she knew she was in a critical condition.

The ship suddenly shuddered to life and Jyn felt it begin to rise and Cassian quickly braced his hands on either side of her body to support her. Jyn could feel the heat radiating off his body, his breathing hot and rapid as he tried to gain some much needed air. The drone of the ship reached its peak as it exited the atmosphere and the steady vibration was oddly comforting to her. She heard metal on metal and knew that Kaytoo had returned but he still said nothing. Jyn was grateful he was not spouting off her chance of survival or estimated mortality rate.

Her hair was pushed gently out of her face and it was a gesture she was not used to seeing from Cassian. The last time they had been this close, they had been clinging to each other, sure they were about to perish in the laser blast from the Death Star. She heard a thud from someone jumping down from the cockpit and she was sure it was Bodhi.

“How bad is it?”

Jyn didn’t need to see Bodhi’s face; the emotion in his voice was enough, but she tried to open her eyes again any way.

“Blaster to the side. She’s lost too much blood. Kay, give me a kriffing bacta patch.”

Jyn heard the ripping of the patch and groaned as Cassian released the pressure on her wound, sending a jolt through her body. Cassian cursed in Festian, a word she had heard him use so many times before, and he fumbled to place the patch gently over her wound, but the movement had reignited the fire in her lungs. The bacta instantly cooled her skin but the pain mercilessly lingered and Jyn finally succumbed to the darkness once again.

\---------

Jyn awoke to a sea of white and for one blessed moment she thought she may have finally died, but then she heard the skittering of a medical droid activating and she realised she must be in the infirmary on Hoth. She had spent no more than two days on Hoth before she was sent on Dravin’s mission but she was sure of one thing: she despised the cold. She was envious of Cassian’s quick adaption from the hot and humid climate of Yavin IV and the below freezing temperatures of Hoth. She knew he had grown up on the ice planet of Fest, but some twisted part of her wished he was as miserable in the cold as she was.

Jyn took a breath but the cold air of Hoth did nothing to douse the fire in her lungs and she couldn’t help the groan that escaped her.

“Ah, Sergeant Erso, you’re finally awake.” She heard shuffling and then a stout woman wearing the patch of a medical officer walked over to Jyn’s bed, a clipboard in hand.

“It was touch and go for a few hours there. The blaster to your side punctured a hole in your right lung; you almost drowned on your own blood.”

A shiver ran down her spine and she hoped to never hear those words again.

“I think one more session in the Bacta tank and you should be cleared to leave. For the mean time I would advise against taking deep breaths, coughing, and laughing.”

Jyn felt her mood sour at the woman’s nonchalant manner of speaking and opened her mouth to ask about Cassian but the medical officer beat her too it.

“Captain Andor caused quite a ruckus when he burst through my doors with you half dead in his arms. There was so much blood we could follow the trail all the way back to the ship-”

Jyn closed her eyes and willed the older woman to stop talking, her stomach twisting dangerously.

“- I almost thought Captain Andor was injured himself with the amount of your blood soaking his clothes.”

A memory of Scarif flashed back in her mind and all she could see was Cassian’s broken body laying on the cold metal, blood slowly seeping through his clothes. The mental image was too much for Jyn and she promptly vomited onto the icy ground, her lungs screaming in protest. 

“No matter-“ The older woman began, “I think the cleaning droids are still in the hall cleaning up your blood. If you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go and commandeer one.”

Jyn laid back heavily on the bed as the medical droid rolled towards her to take her vitals. She hoped to never see Cassian injured again but some twisted part of her brain kept reminding her that they were apart of the Rebel Alliance, and it was likely they were going to be seriously injured over and over again and inevitably, they would die for this cause. Jyn felt her stomach twist again and started to bang her fist against the bed rail, over and over and didn’t stop until the pain was unbearable. As the pain in her fist began to ebb away, so did her morbid thoughts, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

The door of the infirmary slid open and Jyn expected the medical officer to have returned, but instead she felt her breath hitch as she found Cassian standing there instead. His eyes met hers and she could see a million words shuffling through his mind trying to grab purchase. Finally his face relaxed and a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

“You’re alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mixing tenses; like a boss.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt of a multi-chapter Rebelcaptain fic!


End file.
